writings

the phrase has always intrigued me. it can mean stepping into someone else's place, but on a more personal level, it can also mean filling into your own shoes—rising to meet your own expectations and learning to live comfortably within that identity.

precise mind, clumsy body. drawing borders, believing in none. compliant outwardly, resistant inside. craving overwhelm, overwhelmed by it. i don't reconcile these. they coexist.

this is a series about showing up imperfect. not as a philosophy i developed, but as a way of being i've stumbled into. an invitation to start before you're ready.

the charity show was called bekhauf—fearless. but i wasn't fearless. fear just attaches to different things for me. questioning authority, performing in a language i didn't speak, negotiating space as an outsider.

i kept choosing situations that made me uncomfortable. school trips without devices, marketing to strangers, demonstrating products at career fairs. not because i enjoyed discomfort, but because i wanted something on the other side of it.

the first podcast episodes were rough. i published them anyway. teaching at a government school felt uncertain. i kept showing up. putting creative work out there takes courage. i did it regardless. this is what i've learned.

i wish i could tell my sister—and anyone else who's waiting—that it's okay if someone finds you imperfect. the world doesn't need more perfect things. it needs more people willing to try, fail, adjust, and try again.

a sweltering afternoon. carpool ride. my friend talked about investing, believing in destiny and prospect. a sentence broke in from memory: "if you choose to delude yourself by accepting extreme predictions..." this is how i came back to kahneman's book.

death and life are the two poles we exist between. paul kalanithi's situation was a unique blend: certain death, but time to reconcile. he accepted his fate with grace, courage, and wisdom. this is what makes the book remarkable.